


Is Close the Closest Star?

by starlocked



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood and Injury, Broken Bones, Cussing, Gen, Hurt, Hurt Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I lied there's comfort now, Injury, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Threats of Violence, brief mentions of kidnapping and torture, description of physical injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlocked/pseuds/starlocked
Summary: Roman deals with the very physical fallout of denying his purpose to choose the wedding.Virgil unwillingly helps Janus try to make amends.Patton deals with an uncomfortable new truth about himself.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 86





	1. And I'll Fall

Weddings used to be his favorite.

The gown, the flowers, tuxes, family and friends all gathered to celebrate a tale as old as time. A beautiful, and iridescent display of everything he had held dear and dreamed about countless nights.

But now, every little reminder of the wedding felt like a knife twisted in his stomach. He could feel ribs cracking in his chest and the purple-yellow-greenish bruise on his thigh throbbed hard and spread just a little bit faster.

He was in agony. (Agooonnyyyy- no this was a terrible time for _Into the Woods_ )

Roman did his best to keep the others unaware. After all, he was the one who chose- Ow.

Luckily there were no open bleeding wounds this time around. Bandages would only betray him as they tended to bleed through at the worst moments. 

Roman did his best to put on a brave face for Patton and Virgil. Logan didn't seem to care one way or the other but Roman was still careful around him too. Whenever possible he would sink out rather than limp about the mind palace. He laughed less as the expression of joy was jarring his ribs and his sense of self. Thank the stars no sides noticed.

He only managed to look like his glittery fabulous self most days. But he still greeted the others with a smile. Or a grimace. This wouldn't be forever. The- Ow- would happen and he'd start to heal.

Except Roman didn't heal. 

The day of the wedding, he was in so much pain. Roman couldn’t enjoy a moment of the ceremony and the reception was even more miserable. The bruise now covered half his leg and without his positive presence, Virgil was running amok, shutting Thomas down when he should have been trying to be happy for Lee and Mary Lee. Things were rapidly falling out of control and by the time Thomas got home-

“What the F-K is Up, everybody?” 

Damn it. It’s Prince time. 

Roman rose up as Patton was trying to talk Thomas down, unsuccessfully. 

The rest of the night felt like a blur, Roman doing his best to help Patton prove his points despite feeling utterly sick, the knife in his stomach heating up to red hot. He felt bad for the objects in those hot knife cutting ASMR videos.

The argument  felt like static. There was a frog and a snake and a lot of shouting. Blur of pain and panic.

“I thought I was your hero…”

“Yo- You are.”

Lies. Even  _ Janus _ agreed. 

“We love you.”

Yeah, right. Did he say that out loud? He couldn’t tell. He sunk out quickly and took two steps toward his door before his white jacket stained red and the sight of the blood and pain and exhaustion all caught up with him. Faintness swirled around his brain and he reached for the doorknob just before falling to his knees. He clutched his side where the stain was spreading rapidly and fell, unconscious before he hit the floor. 

* * *

Roman’s eyes fluttered open, head throbbing and every inch of his body aching. He tried to push himself off the hallway floor, only to find a staff of wood inches from his face. Confusion and the electric spikes trembling through his arms pulled him back down to the carpet.

“Roman, what are you doing?” a slippery voice spoke from above. Roman felt another rib crack and his heart beat wildly out of rhythm. He couldn’t push himself away and resorted to mere whimpering. “Are you… injured? Patton didn’t even touch you. Who did this, Roman?”

Roman tilted a bruised and bloody face up towards the deceitful side. With much effort he grunted, “you did.”

Janus took a step back, recoiling from the accusation. "I- No- that's-" he took a deep breath, "I did absolutely  _ nothing  _ to hurt you and I  _ don't  _ wish to help you."

"Then leave," Roman hissed through gritted teeth, trying to prop himself on his elbows. Below his waist felt numb and he needed to address the wounds.

Janus' eyes flashed with fury and frustration, "you idiotic, self-righteous buffoon! I have only ever tried to help you reach your goals! It's certainly  _ my fault _ you chose to sacrifice Thomas' big break for a wedding!"

Roman screamed in pain, red blossoming up through the back of his formerly white shirt. The staff and shoes in front of him went hazy as his vision failed. A high clear tone rang in his ears, drowning out the snake's shock and disgust. He focused on breathing.  _ In. Out.  _ The only thoughts he could keep in his head, swimming with tears and clouds.

He felt the vibrations of running footsteps and loud voices. Sure. Run away from the fallen hero. The pathetic mess bleeding out in front of you.

He forgot to feel frightened. He wasn't sure who picked him up. He wouldn't know until he woke up in a strange room that was not his. All he remembered was struggling to breathe as unconsciousness overtook him again.


	2. And I'll Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Virgil help Roman heal from his injuries. Or at least try to help.

Janus and Virgil had worked together to treat the Prince's wounds, using braces and bandages and even a cast, Janus glared at the anxious side and took his leave. He insisted that Roman use his staff for support once he was recovered enough to limp around and left it propped against Virgil’s door. Virgil did his best to keep a bedside vigil, preventing any of the others from visiting, often pacing the floor as the anxiety over his friend ate away at him. 

Roman slept fitfully for a week. Bruises started to fade but the corrupting anxiety of the room left dark dark eyeshadow under his eyes. Virgil wanted to move him out, but Janus refused to let any other side see Roman like this. Virgil wondered why Janus couldn't take him in but any time he brought it up the conversation came to a halt. 

Virgil, of course, blamed himself. If only he'd been there to stop Patton from taking everything a leap too far. If only he'd noticed Roman's pain sooner. If only he'd forced Logan to shut up and not ignore Roman when he was about to open up. If only he had kept Remus from announcing his presence to Thomas like a tornado.

If only-

But Virgil couldn't change the “if onlys”. Watching the slow cadence of Roman’s breathing, the fits of nightmares no doubt heightened by his room, the low moans of pain, it all felt like too much and not enough. Virgil was helpless and Janus wouldn't even tell him why he had to do this.

For two weeks, Thomas found it difficult to focus on anything but video games, even after Roman woke up. Virgil tried everything short of intimidation to get the horrifically injured side to tell him what happened but the usually bombastic Prince was sullen and quiet. 

Virgil did his best to fill the silence, talking about anything and everything on his mind. Roman would only nod, fidgeting with the blanket and eyeing the shepherd's crook that was still in the room.

After the second week, Remus pushed past Virgil, loudly proclaiming that he was the only one allowed to hold his brother captive and torture him. He got quiet as soon as he saw the bruises that were slowly fading and bandages tinted pink.

"RoRo, what happened? I never- who did this?" vengeance burned in his eyes. Remus immediately pinned Virgil down with a threatening stare, backing him into a corner.

"You moron, why would I be taking care of him if I wanted to hurt him? Neither he nor Janus will say what happened so I'm just playing nurse."

Remus cocked his head to the side, "Janus? What does our favorite snake have to do with this?" 

"He's the one who came to get me when he found him passed out," Virgil kept his voice low, knowing Roman was straining to hear the conversation. "I guess he didn't want to get his hands dirty with all the blood that was pouring out of him. It looked like one of your nightmares, Remus. It was bad. I haven't talked to the others but I'm going to kill whoever hurt him and left him like that. All because of that stupid wedding-"

"If you're going to talk about me at least try to be subtle about it," Janus slid into the room, closing the door behind him. "And how is our charming Prince doing?" he directed the question directly to Roman. 

"Ahhh Janusssss. Umm.. what the fuck?" Remus stepped behind the other dark side, tapping him on the shoulder. 

Janus refused to turn, "am I not allowed to be concerned for Creativity? As much as I  _ hate _ Thomas taking time away from work, it is getting concerning how long he can slack off." 

"What did you fucking do to my brother, anacondick?" Remus grabbed Janus by the shoulder, violently pulling him around, the other arm cocked back to deliver a punch.

"You messed with the wrong sides, Deceit," Virgil smirked, stepping up behind Remus.

"Wait, you don't understand-" Janus said smoothly as though he weren't outnumbered.

"Stop-" Roman groaned from the bed, trying to prop himself up and wincing with the effort. The three dark sides all turned their attention to him.

"Roman, lay back down. You're still injured," Virgil snapped, "we can handle Janus."

"It's… not his.. fault," Roman coughed, still trying to sit up. Virgil growled and walked back over to the bed. Remus still had Janus in his grip, gleam in his eye daring his friend to try and slip away.

"But you said-" Janus tried to speak but Remus did his best to choke the deceitful side.

"I know what I said. I'm sorry for blaming you," Roman sunk back into the comforter, faded bruises throbbing with fresh color.

"Roman, please, talk to me. At least tell me what happened that Janus led me to you unconscious in a pool of blood," Virgil brushed the hair out of the Prince's eyes, ready to force the others out at a single word from Roman.

"Yeah, Roman. Tell us so I can beat their ass into paste," Remus said coldly.

"Well, I certainly had  _ nothing  _ to do with this," Janus glanced around the room, peering into the shadows, " _ I didn't even know he was hurt. _ " Janus' eyes went wide and he slapped his own hand to his mouth. Remus blinked, confused as he'd never seen Janus react that way, but he kept his grip tight.

"I'm sorry, Virgil. It's my fault. I failed Thomas. I failed by choosing the wedding and I failed to protect him from Patton…" Roman sunk deeper into the pillows, tears threatening to smudge eyeshadow all over the sheets. "I'm nothing but a failure and Thomas has Remus so he doesn't need me."

" _ Oh yes, I agree with Roman, _ " Janus spoke, muffled behind his hand. His eyes were wide and a touch of eyeshadow had appeared beneath the human one. He struggled to try and pull away from Remus.

Remus stood there like a statue. His grip on Janus was iron and his glare would have killed a man on contact. He turned his head slowly to look at his brother.

"Roman, none of that is true. Thomas hasn't done anything since the wedding. He needs you," Virgil stared hard at the creative side. At his words, a small cut had faded to a barely noticeable scar.

" _ I think Thomas is better off without you, Roman. No one needs a fallen hero, _ " Janus looked panicked now, bringing up two more hands to his mouth, another trying vainly to pry himself out of Remus' grasp.

Roman moaned in pain and all could hear the distinct crack of bone as another bruise welled up on his face. 

"That's my brother you're talking about, you double-crossing adder!" Remus cracked his neck and pushed Janus into a cobweb-covered wall.

" **ENOUGH!** " Virgil’s voice resounded through the room, distorted and commanding. Each of the other sides turned to look at him through eyes rimmed in dark black eyeshadow. 

"You've all been in here too long," Virgil handed Roman a coloring book and tossed a tangle toy at Remus. He stared down Janus and held up a weighted blanket, "everyone needs to calm down and sink out. Now." 

He wrapped the blanket around Janus and started counting the 4-7-8 breathing pattern. Remus was the first to sink out with Janus quickly following. Virgil walked over and held Roman’s hand, leading him through the pattern a few more times before they both sank out and rose up again in the common area.

Logan and Patton looked from the former dark sides to Roman and Virgil in surprise. Virgil stared at them back.

"Patton, why are you green?"


	3. And I'll Fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton discovers his skin has started turning green after his frogger themed standoff with Janus.

Patton was surprisingly good at hiding things. This particular thing just happened to be an irritation on his side that had persisted from the moment Janus had destroyed his video game frog form. Patton hadn't realized he was capable of that much power and destruction but he couldn’t let these self-realizations bother him now. He had to get out of the living room.

Checking on Roman was a good excuse. He'd check his side and make sure he wasn't injured and go check on Roman right after that. Easy. 

He sank out and sat on the couch in his room. He took a few deep breaths of nostalgia for a simpler time before untucking his shirt and pulling it up to check the irritation.

His face paled. The skin on his side was green and warty like a frog. He gulped. This could not be good at all. He tried lotion and disinfectant and everything else he could think of but the skin still pained him. He settled for tightly wrapping a cloth around his torso to apply constant pressure that at least took his mind off the sensation.

By the time he remembered he was supposed to check on Roman, the side was nowhere to be found. Neither were Janus or Virgil. Patton didn’t think Remus would be much help, so that left Logan.

Logan who was definitely still mad at him. Oh boy.

It didn't hurt that much. Patton could wait it out.

When he woke up the next morning, Patton could not stop rubbing his eyes. Blinking hard for temporary relief he made his way to the bathroom, his side still inflamed and froggish. Once in the bathroom with the door safely locked, Patton put on his glasses and pulled off his nightshirt. The green warty patch didn't look any bigger and he'd already tried every cream and ointment they had available.

With a deep sigh, he wrapped his torso again and turned to the sink to brush his teeth, humming _You Are My Sunshine_ to distract from the worry and pain. It took a minute but Patton finally noticed his eyes. He stood there with the toothbrush dangling from his agape mouth as he stared at his eyes.

His pupils were heart-shaped. If it weren’t for the green skin he wouldn't mind because they actually looked really cute and were totally his brand.

Janus, Virgil, and Roman were all still missing, so Patton only had to avoid eye contact with Logan at a sullenly quiet breakfast. Avoiding Logan didn't take effort at all. However, Remus came sliding down the banister and storming into the dining room, a force to be reckoned with.

"Lolo, you know it's not like me to worry about anyone, so ya gotta tell me where they are," Remus wasn't pleading, rather demanding information as Logan tried to read his laptop over his orange juice.

"If I knew, I would have told you last night the first time you asked. I gain nothing by hiding information when it is asked for so please stop bothering me," Logan sighed, trying to twist in his chair away from Remus' in-your-face interrogation.

Remus glanced across the table with an air of suspicion, "you're being awfully quiet, popsicle. Where'd you hide my brother?" The accusation hit Patton hard but he just shook his head in response and scratched at his cheek, cinnamon sugar toast suddenly very unappetizing. Remus didn't relent, suddenly crawling over the table right up in front of Patton, knocking over every drink on the table, "you're hiding something. I think it's Roman. Fess up, Father. Or should we call you 'deceit'?" 

"No! It's me! I haven't seen Roman since last night. Bug off, Remus," Patton refused to look up as he tried to dismiss the intrusive side. Remus only squinted and took a seat in the middle of the table.

"You're sitting on my toast, Remus. Forget this, I have work to do," Logan stood in a huff and left the other two alone. Patton could barely eat with unrelenting eyes watching his every move. 

"Have you tried asking Virgil?" Patton suggested quietly, rubbing at his face in annoyance.

"Nah he won't cooperate with me," Remus shrugged, grabbing a slice of Logan’s abandoned breakfast.

"You're gonna eat-" Patton watched in disgust as Remus shoved the squished toast in his mouth. Remus gazed back at him with a quirky smile.

"Wow, have your eyes always been hearts? They go with your little green heart tattoo- that's new too, huh? I like it, lil heartthrob!" Remus grinned and slid off the table, "tell me if you find Ro, okay?"

Patton nodded as Remus sunk out, bewildered by the tattoo comment and scratching at his cheek. Suddenly the itch on his cheek sunk in and he scrambled to grab the spoon from the sugar bowl. In the distorted reflection, he could just make out a patch of pale green skin on his cheek vaguely shaped like a heart to compliment the heart-shaped pupils.

Oh no, did Logan notice? No no no no no.

Patton quickly sunk out back to his own room, resolving to not leave until he'd figured out how to make the green go away, or at least cover it up. A voice nagged in the back of his head that this was no better than repression, but clearly, the others had bigger problems to deal with right now. And lately, he made problems more complicated and messy than they needed to be.

For the next week, Patton watched horrified as green skin patches covered his body until he was more green than white. This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all. He couldn’t show himself in any videos like this. He couldn’t face the others- or help them.

And they definitely wouldn't help him. The root of their problems. 

A knock at the door shocked him out of his reflection. Patton turned toward the door and gulped in fear.

"Patton? I require your assistance. Now. Please?" the urgency in Logan’s voice was unmistakable and Patton had to bite his lip hard to not respond. From the other side of the door, Patton heard an exasperated huff, "I understand things were not pleasant a week ago, but Roman and Virgil are still missing in action. I am left to fend for Thomas with Janus and Remus. I need your influence, Patton."

Patton could tell how hard this must be for Logan to admit. He walked over to the door, one hand touching the wood, "now isn't a good time, Lo. I'm sorry."

"Open the door. We are not going to survive with three sides in crisis mode. This is not a request," Logan tried the doorknob and Patton was grateful for having locked it earlier. It was perhaps foolish of him to forget this was still the mind palace as a frustrated Logan rose up behind him.

"Patton, what is the meaning of this? I tried to give you space but-" the words died in Logan’s throat as Patton turned around, head bowed low but showing off splotchy green arms. 

"It's not easy bein' green," Patton chuckled with a big fake grin, "guess you better  _ kermit _ me to the hospital!"

Logan facepalmed, "please stop. Patton, why didn't you tell any of us?"

"I didn't… know what to do. And finding Roman was a bigger priority. I didn't want to interfere or draw attention after I screwed everything up," Patton sniffed, unable to look up and hating the tears running down his cheeks, "and I'm still screwing up. I'm sorry."

"Look, whatever is going on, we need to work together right now. Even if you're turning into a full-time frog, at least you don't seem to be going into a video game rage mode. Patton, please don't make yourself a boss fight when you're actually an ally," Logan was practically pleading by the end of his speech. Patton looked up and Logan gasped at the heart-shaped pupils before nodding towards the locked door which Patton unlocked with a small nod.

Over the next week, it took a lot for Patton to get used to the others seeing him green. The few times Janus showed face, his initial reaction was usually fear that was quickly smoothed over with a mask of normalcy. Remus would either gush about the color or poke at the splotches, but never had a mean thing to say about them.

Logan was somehow the kindest by far, refusing to acknowledge the discolored skin unless it was directly relevant to their conversation. Patton found that the warts receded and the itchy pain dulled as the week progressed, leaving only green splotches on his skin. 

Patton and Logan were talking in the common room when Remus and Janus popped up in quick succession, each looking fairly frazzled, "are you guys okay?"

"We're fine. Oh thank heavens, I can  _ choose _ to tell lies again," Janus pulled several hands away from his mouth, the extra ones disappearing beneath his cape.

Before anyone could question that statement, Roman and Virgil rose up at the same time, Roman a bandaged mess laid out on the other half of the couch and Virgil sitting next to him with a calming hand on Roman’s chest. Virgil looked around the room and stopped on Patton. Patton could almost hear the question before it was asked.

"Patton, why are you green?"

Patton stammered for a moment before Logan answered, "we aren't entirely certain why. The more pressing matter is what happened to Roman? He looks terrible!"

Roman groaned, "why don't you shut up?"

Patton stared at the wounded prince, "did- did I-?"

"No, Patton you didn't injure him during the last discussion," Janus sighed, "I'm afraid these injuries are rather psychological in nature, and I suspect your frog skin is as well."

"Ooh, that reminds me, Jamack, are your legs frog legs? Can I lick them? I always wanted to taste frog legs," Remus was practically salivating over Patton who quickly pulled his legs close to his chest.

"Easy, Doc Hopper," Virgil stood to push himself between Remus and Patton.

"Janus, please expand upon your theory about these anomalies as psychological. Why is Roman physically incapacitated while Patton is green? And why aren't any of the rest of us displaying symptoms?" Logan questioned, glancing between Roman and Patton before looking back to Janus.

"Simple. These two have been denying their purpose for the 'greater good' of ensuring Thomas doesn't listen to sides like me and Remus," Janus began, gesturing to the intrusive side who kept looking for a way to dodge around Virgil, "Roman has experienced a bruised ego before, however, I don't think this drastically. It almost seems to be an issue with Thomas' self-image and well, I can't blame anyone but myself for that."

"So some time to heal-  _ not spent in my room _ \- and some reminders that Princey doesn’t suck and he should be back to normal?" Virgil asked, eyes throwing daggers at Janus.

"Precisely. And Patton," Janus turned toward the green moral side.

"Actually, if I may," Logan interrupted, "Patton, you have to understand that you work with us not against us. We are all Thomas and all want his best interests, but you've been treating discussions as a game of chess, trying to move us around like pawns to convince Thomas to listen to you. You are not a manipulator. You are not the boss fight. You're a compass, emotional intelligence, you point in a clear direction but sometimes there are other factors that must be considered. We all work together, and sometimes mistakes are made. It's not the end. It's not a reason to hide. We're human, so we get back up and try again."

"That  _ wasn't as well put _ as I was going to say it," Janus snarked but smiled at Logan. By the end of a long group discussion, Roman was sitting up and Patton had faded to a pale green. Each side left the common room at least a bit more settled about the future.

Janus grabbed Virgil’s shoulder before he sank out, causing the anxious side to jump, "sorry, but I had a request to make."

"I still don't like you, Deceit," Virgil growled and shook his shoulder free of the other’s grasp.

"Yes I know, but you do seem to like the core sides, so heed this warning. Keep an eye on Logan, I'm certain he's  _ absolutely fine _ ."

"Oh so you're not worried about me losing sight of my purpose but you're worried about Logic? Logan’s a cornerstone in Thomas' mind. He'll be fine."

"Virgil, you've already turned that eyeshadow into your aesthetic. And that's exactly why you should watch him. I don't want anything bad to happen, as that could be disastrous for Thomas. But regardless, everyone is on thin ice and regardless of how you feel about it, you're a protective side. So protect them," having said that Janus sunk out, leaving Virgil alone on the stairs, the pit in his stomach managing to pull off a somersault. He flipped up the comforting weight of his hoodie up onto his head and sunk back out to his room. Janus' antics could wait for another day.

Patton felt immeasurably better over the next few days and was even able to pop up with Janus to comment when Lee and Mary Lee came by to catch up over brunch. The pupils never quite went away though. A reminder that fit pretty well into his theme anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Fake You Out by Twenty One Pilots.  
> Based on a prompt by @thefingergunsgirl on tumblr


End file.
